It's gonna be a long ass 40 days....

Today is only the first day of Lent..well really the first two hours of Lent and Jackie is already dying. I decided to give up soda for Lent because I always admire people who give up something that is difficult for them and I decided to be hardcore this year and do this myself. It is already extremely tough...I love soda!!!! The can of cherry coke in the fridge is calling my name!!!!!!!! I'm not even sure why I'm bothering to do this. I'm not really a fan of the Catholic faith anymore since I've stopped going to Church and I disagree with several of the key elements of the faith, but I am still giving up the soda because I see it as more of growth thing than a Lent/ Jesus thing. Like obviously Lent is a Catholic thing, but I really want to prove to myself that I can stick to this no soda pact and that I am a strong in willl when I want to be. So I figure I will make this sacrafice during Lent so I can suffer along with other people. I've also decided to do some positive things this Lent. I have been using the f-word recently and I don't know why? I really think it is a pointless word that makes a person sound dumb and I don't really know how, but I recently became addicted to using it. The point is I want it out of my vocabulary so I am going to try to not say it at all for the next 40 days. Even in those situations when you are extremely pissed and the situation really warrants a nice f-bomb lol. Lastly for Lent I am going to try to be less negative. I sometimes tend to focus on the negative side of things or I wil catch myself making a negative comment when I don't need to. So I've also decided that I'm going to try to be more positive and happy. I'm hoping the next 40 days will make me a better person, that is if I survive.

Tell Me Is This Fate

It's 88 days until the wedding and I'm stressing hardcore!!! Planning this wedding is making me realize I am either never marrying or I'm just going to elope because I would never want to stress people out as much as this wedding is stressing me out!!! Every little thing seems to be turning into a disaster!!! Well only the parts that are my problem really. Mag picked up my dress yesterday, I tried it on and the skirt is tight!!! I can get it to zipper and close, but it bunches and looks awkward because it comes up sooo freakin high!!! Yeah my top will cover this issue, but after a few drinks and some dinner, I'm afraid I'm gonna pop!!!! Then today I tried on the trial top I had made and of course it looks like crap! I feel awful because Donna spent so much time on it, but it really looks horrible on me so I'm going to have to go to another person and get a different pattern made. To make things worse when I called Karen and told her about how tiny my skirt was she tells me that Melanine got a size four skirt too and hers fits her just fine, she doesn't need any alterations at all. Like that makes me feel any better! I'm competeing with a girl who is 5'10 and could be a freakin model to see who is gonna look better in the dress!!!! Anyways I hate life and I'm going to look like a big fat piece of crap at the wedding...that is if I can even fit into whatever the hell my dress winds up looking like!
Of course the wedding isn't my only issue right now, school is also the devil!!! My classes are just so random and boring this semester that I am putting in zero effort and that is going to bite me on the ass very, very soon! I've spent the first part of this semester text messaging people and doodling my way through every single class and now test time is starting to roll around...ut-o!!!! I had my first music test last week, a lot uglier than I expected, but I did take notes in-between the text messaging so I'm hoping I survived with at least a B. My first paper is due for my Africa class this Wednesday and of course I haven't even started it!!! I watched the five hours worth of videos and starting reading the endless chapters of the book, now I have to get crackin on writing the five page summary. I know I will get it done on time, but I just can't motivate myself to start. I feel like I can't get five minutes to relax until May, every second that I'm not physically doing something I'm stressing about not doing something or thinking about/ planning what I have to do next. Once May 2nd hits school is over and on May 12th the wedding will be over and life will be carefree....I hope.